One Big Happy Mystery
by Viceroy Elf
Summary: So my last story was mostly about Dipper and Pacifica as teenagers. This is mostly going to be them as adults. It might be good.
1. Horrifying

**This is something**

Horrifying

The door was shut.

That usually meant he wasn't supposed to go in.

Alas however, in grave times risks must be taken.

Sidney Pines opened the door to his father's study. It was dimly lit, and the walls were lined with shelves of books and specimens of plants and creatures you could never hope to find in your garden-variety zoo book. There were things both wondrous and horrifying lurking along these walls and he knew it.

But, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw upon entering the room. A sight more horrifying that anything found on his father's shelves.

His mother and father on his father's desk, kissing fervently. They'd stopped when they saw him, but he'd already seen more than enough to be scarred for life.

 _Old people love. Ewwwww._

"H-hey Sid. Need something?" His father said, tentative giggles escaping from both his parents as they untangled from each other.

He would've asked to have the last 10 seconds of his life wiped from memory, but he had a mission.

"We're out of milk." He said.

Dipper just stood there, blushing, and his eye twitched. _This kid._ "Yeah, uh, okay. Look, your mom and I are in the middle of something."

"Yea I can see that."

Dipper's blush deepened.

"Sidney." His mother chimed in. "There's that grocery store not far from here. You can take some money from my purse, ride your bike up and get some milk, okay"

Sidney made an expression that Dipper recognized 'works for me.'

"Thanks mom. And, uh, enjoy yourselves or whatever."

And with that, the 12 year old left.

Dipper eyed the spot where his son was just standing, before turning back to his wife. "That kid. He gets that from you, you know." He said, eyeing her expression.

"What?" she asked, still trying to contain her laughter.

"That attitude. 'we're out of milk.' Can you believe the way he talks?"

"Oh please. He doesn't like being talked down too by adults, and wants to seem mature. Who, pre tell, does that sound like?"

Dipper sighed. "Okay, fair enough." He said. "Sure it's a good idea letting him off alone like that?"

"He wants us to think he's responsible. This is a chance for him to show that he is. There's only like twenty bucks in my purse anyway." Pacifica replied.

She then grabbed her husband by the shirt collar. "Besides, we are now free to pick up where we left off, aren't we?"

Dipper smiled dreamily. "Incorrigible as ever." He said before the ravishing recommenced.


	2. Old

**Another one**

Old

Dipper Pines had had worry lines around his eyes since he was a kid. They weren't too noticeable, and at most gave people the impression that he was worried or tired, which were both reasonable assumptions.

When he got older, long nights staying up and summer days spent outdoors made all those little nicks and lines on his face a little more visible. He looked older than he was, and he actually kind of liked that. He always felt more mature than kids around him, and whether that was just his ego getting out or not, he was starting to look more mature. It wasn't so bad back then.

But things started to get weird.

He liked to think he was pretty fit, but morning gym classes sucked no matter how athletic you were. He was tuckered out after that stupid half mile they had to run, and remembers the phrase "break a hip old man?" being tossed his way.

That was the tipping point.

Old man was a pretty big jibe for the rest of high school, but it didn't stop there. He was in his third semester of college when someone had stopped him in the hall. Now, in hindsight, maybe he shouldn't have worn that tweed jacket his mom had got him for his birthday, but he did, and it was at least a small contributing factor to what happened on his first day back.

"Professor! Excuse me!"

He'd heard someone calling out and paid no mind until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to another student with a worried expression. "Hey, I'm a little lost. You're a professor right?"

He wasn't. He was a 20 year old student.

"Dude I'm a student." He said. The other man's face contorted in confusion. "Seriously?"

"Yea seriously. How old do you think I am?"

This was the last time Dipper Pines truly felt old, until today, at age 32, he found a grey hair in his stubble.

He'd noticed the color was starting to fade in his hair since he'd been having the sides cut short, but this was a somewhat daunting revelation. His mind wandered to thoughts of his son's friends thinking he was his grandfather, or how people might look at him looking old and decrepit next to his wife.

Speaking of whom.

"And you say I spent too much time in the mirror."

Dipper looked at his wife over his shoulder. Back from work, he supposed, and of course, she looked glowing. His wife was only a little less than a year younger than him, but she looked like she could blend into a crowd of college students with ease, and she knew it.

"Pax, do I look old?" He asked, to the point as ever.

"Yea, but a lot of it is attitude." She responded, impeccably mundane. "Remember when you were like 15 and Stan made you chop wood outside the shack? Those kids came into the yard looking for there ball or something and you actually yelled "Stay off the lawn you ratty hooligans"! Pacifica couldn't stop her giggles at the memory, despite Dipper's increasingly pursed expression.

"They were getting too close to the literal bottomless pit in our backyard!" Dipper argued.

This did not deter his wife's laughter. "You called a bunch of kids ratty hooligans! That was an old person word when our parents were kids!"

Dipper pinched the bridge of his nose and turned back to the mirror. He did not need this in the morning. And yes, it was technically late afternoon, but he'd just woken up so it was morning to him.

"Hey, why're you worrying about this? I tease you about looking old all the time and it doesn't bother you."

He felt Pacifica's hand on his side. "I found a grey hair in my stubble."

She snorted. "That's it? See, that's another thing you gotta stop doing."

"Oh I cannot wait to hear your latest critique of my personality." He groaned.

"Just listen to me. You always get caught up in these small details, and you miss the big picture."

She stands next to him as they both look into the mirror. "You look in the mirror and see one grey hair. I see a tall, lean, rugged man with the kind of life that leaves scars, lines around his eyes, and a couple of grey hairs, and I think that's a man with a story to tell. How many people can say that?" She says, and when she looks at him he's smiling, relieved. "And look, he's standing next to an angel." She adds.

Dipper scoffs "Wings an angel do not make. That's probably just a harpy." He teases.

Pacifica rolls her eyes and turns away. "Whatever old man."

She begins to leave but shrieks with laughter when Dipper picked her up by the waist. He threw her and then himself onto their bed, and between bouts of laughter she asked. "Where's this coming from?"

"What can I say." He replies. "You make me feel young."


	3. First Time Again

**I stole this idea from the internernet**

For The First Time, Again

Dipper was in the hospital. It wasn't the first time by any measure, but it had been so long since the last time. Pacifica had forgotten what it felt like to see him like this. To know she'd almost lost him.

A 10th level haunting here in Seattle? It was too good to be true. Or too bad, she wasn't sure how these things worked anymore. They moved up here so Dipper could 'track anomalous activity without getting too directly involved'. Pacifica liked that. She couldn't make Dipper give up his passions, but she also can only handle seeing him, and herself, in danger so often.

Seeing him jump at the sound of a 10th level haunting out here made her a little upset, but she bit her tongue. He was just so excited. She asked him how it was possible and he spouted a bunch of jargon about the 'nature of anomalous activity lies in its unpredictability blah blah how can I be so cute and so nerdy at the same time', which basically translated to Murphy's Law in action.

Old money house, hundred year-old curse, weird things happening at night. It all sounds a bit familiar now that she thinks about it. He got rid of the ghost, or whatever the scientific term he used was, and all was well. Except for the bruised ribs, sprained ankle, possible concussion and numerous shards of glass that had to be removed from his chest and shoulder.

Which brings us to now, a hospital room the next day. You might think it'd be hard to explain those kinds of wounds, but they usually don't ask if money passes through the right hands.

He'll need rest for a few days but he'll recover she's told. All she can do now is wait for him to wake up. Waiting never was her forte.

"Hey."

His voice was weak, but she jumped to attention at the sound, and was at his side instantly.

"Hi there." She practically whispered, relief overcoming her.

Dipper looked at her with a dazed, almost confused expression? "What are you doing here?"

She choked out a laugh. "I'm waiting for you to wake up so we can get out of here." She explained.

"Oh I don't think my wife would like me leaving with you."

Her heart skipped a beat. She remembers the doctors saying something about him being delirious from the anesthetic, but she also remembers that movie about the girl who forgets she's married after a car crash.

"Dipper, I'm your wife."

He looks like he's calculating the square root of pi in his head.

"No… you're like, way too pretty to be my wife."

She's not entirely sure how to interpret that.

"You're the most gorgeous girl I've seen there's no way you'd go for me."

She wants to laugh and cry but doing both sounds pretty tiring. "No, Dipper I promise, I'm your wife. It's me, Pacifica."

"… I married a beautiful blonde woman named Pacifica."

Well when you say it like that.

"Are you like a siren or something? I've met sirens before."

She laughs. "No. I'm just a regular person."

"There's nothing regular about you."

Oh, seriously? Try and change the subject. "Look, are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?"

"I feel kinda bad." He replied. "A girl as pretty as you settled for a guy like me a-"

She put a finger to his lips and pressed her face into his hair. "Don't you dare talk like that. You are kind and handsome and so many more wonderful things and I am so fortunate to have you in my life."

She means every word, but she's also pretty sure he won't remember any of this later.

"I think I might go to sleep. Will you be here when I wake up?"

"I'll wait as long as it takes."

"That's good. I don't think my wife would want me to be alone here."

She sighs. "She most certainly would not."


	4. Cherish

**This all I got for now. I'll do more if you guys like it.**

Cherish

This is ridiculous. Yes, ridiculous was the perfect word for this. She would stand for it no more!

Pacifica ripped herself from her bed and put on her robe. She made a beeline for her husband's study, and was faced with a sight that left her positively miffed. Sure enough, Dipper was awake, on his computer with their son strapped to his chest.

20 minutes ago, she heard crying from the Baby monitor, but before she could even register what she was hearing, she heard the door to Sidney's room open, and Dipper's voice through the monitor.

"I got it, Princess. You get some rest."

The gal! The audacity!

She slumped back into her bed and pouted. He beat her to it again, all because he can function on 3 hours of sleep.

Yes, ridiculous was the perfect word.

"Mason Pines." She said, abruptly.

Her husband turned around with wide eyes. She didn't call him that often, and it usually meant something bad.

"Y-yea? Something wrong?"

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, um, well I was trying to decipher these Russian documents, but it wasn't really going anywhere, so I booted up Icecrown, playing helps me think, and that's when little Sid here started crying. I was up so I figured I'd let you sleep."

"' _I figured I'd let you sleep'"_ She imitated her husband. "Ugh! Why do you have to be so nice?"

"You know you're the only person whoever asks that."

She pinches the bridge of her nose. "You are monopolizing our child Dipper! And I won't happen any longer! You-you need to go to bed, and let me take care of Sidney!"

Pacifica tried her hardest to be threatening, but standing there, blushing, tired, and wearing a frilly pink bathrobe and slippers wasn't giving off the image she thought it would.

Dipper looked more confused than afraid. "Pax, I'm fine with handling Sid at night."

"BUT I'M NOT!" She shouted, quietly though as not to wake Sid. Dipper was taken aback.

"I'm the mom! I'm supposed to be the one who gets up at 3AM when he cries! I'm supposed to sing lullabies and get him back to sleep! I'm supposed to dote on him and change his diapers and keep him safe."

"Pacifica you can't sing." Dipper interrupted. Pacifica looked at him and finally looked as threatening as she felt. "C-can we just pretend I didn't say that. Go on, I didn't say anything." He quickly stammered.

Pacifica pinched the bridge of her nose. Dipper got up and put an arm around her. "Is this about something else, Pax?"

She sighed. "You know neither of my parents were the best. Dad, he pushed me, wanted me to be great. He was demanding, but he believed in me, and talked to me. But my mom, she might as well have never even been there. I don't think she even held me. Or, if she did, I was too young to remember. I remember when I was like, 4 maybe, I'd been practicing dancing all day. I was so tired by the end of it. I asked my mom to carry me to bed."

"She called a maid over to do it."

Pacifica looked at her son strapped to Dipper's chest in his carrier. His eyes were half-lidded, and he mumbled as she stroked the mess of curls on his head.

"I can't be that mom. I can't be the mom that pushes her kid onto other people. I won't."

Dipper's heart sank at the weight of what his wife was telling him.

"You know, I really do have to get to those documents. Sid's being a little distracting. Could you take him for a bit?" he said, already unstrapping the carrier.

Pacifica's face lit up. She smiled. "Oh, If I must. I'll take him so you can work, but I'm telling you Sidney's never going to grow right if he's father's too busy to be around him." She projected haughtily.

Dipper laughed. "Oh, I dunno, Grunkle Stan always said nothing builds character like fatherly neglect. Makes you wonder if he meant his dad or himself."

"Well don't think about it. And thank you" She replied, holding her child close to her.

Pacifica walked away with giddy anticipation. It was almost 2 in the morning and she was cuddling her baby against her chest. He mumbled and fidgeted a little, but got comfortable soon enough.

"You don't cry easy do you? I hope that's not a bad sign. What if- what if."

She calmed herself. "Just motherly paranoia. Nothing to stress about."

Sidney looked up at her, eyes half lidded. Oh god, his eyes. One, a rich hazel, identical to Dipper. The other, a dull lime green. She loved his eyes as much as Dipper's birth mark.

"You are certainly your father's son."

Sidney blinked slowly. He nuzzled into his mother's chest and his eyes shut. She blushed and stifled a laugh. "Oh yea. Definitely Dipper's boy."

She rocked her son slowly as she made her way to his crib. No lullabies though. She hated to admit it, but Dipper was right.

Pacifica couldn't sing to save her life.


	5. Hi

**I forgot to get a girlfriend for Valentine's Day again so I wrote this instead**

Hi

She'd been through highs and lows the last few days. This was a low, Pacifica knew it. Winter break was coming to an end, and her last semester of College was on the rise. It was snowy out today and she was feeling tired enough to sleep another 8 hours. She couldn't be bothered to put makeup on, couldn't even be bothered to get dressed, wearing pajama shorts and one of Dipper's t-shirts.

Dipper.

She slumped further into the couch at the thought of him.

If there was such a thing as too much knowledge, Dipper Pines had certainly never heard of it. Apart from wanting to know all the mysteries of the world, he apparently just had to know everything else.

He'd been studying other languages on his own, since high school. Every Winter he'd go up to some country with Ford to 'immerse himself in the dialect'. This year it wasn't much different, and he was away in Russia. He'd offered to stay, and she honestly wanted him to, but she told him to go. This was a part of his 'reveal the mysteries of the world' dream, after all. Just 4 weeks in, she's starting to crack.

It wasn't so bad when they weren't together! Oh, and now she's remembering that time they broke up and UGH!...

There are few things worse than lonely winter nights.

It was only noon. Time moved like a slug. The last time she talked with Dipper was 3 days ago. He hadn't shaved. She liked him with a little stubble, but it made kissing him a little rough. He said something about he'd been decoding text on a Russian message board. Suspicious paranormal activity. No matter where he was in the world, Dipper would find the weird part.

Pacifica honestly had no idea what was on the TV. It was white noise to drown out her own thoughts.

That was an odd sound. A blunt, striking noise. Like, like someone hitting a hard surface with their knuckles.

Someone was knocking on Pacifica's door.

She grumpily rose from her state of semi-consciousness and stomped her way to the door, ready to take out her bad mood on whatever poor soul stood on the other side.

She swung the door open, and time stopped.

He was breathing heavy, his face was red, with a faint smile, like he was trying to struggling to contain it.

"…Hi" Dipper said.

"Hi…" She replied.

"Y… you said you wouldn't be back for another two weeks."

"Yea, I know. I just, couldn't… y'know."

And so commenced the most awkward silence of either of their lives.

He still hadn't shaved. The fuzzy beginnings of a beard were present on his face.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

 _No you can't come in I'm disgusting!_

"Sure." She replied.

He walked into her apartment and took of his coat. She got him that coat for his birthday, custom tailored with big pockets for his journals.

"What's that."

She pointed to his arm. Three thick, shiny lines ran diagonally down his arm. New scars.

He laughed. "Oh, you know. Russian werewolf cult. No big deal, we got it taken care of. Lots of weird stuff in Russia you know. Big anomalous point down south. I'll have to tell Grunkle Ford about it."

Her heart skipped a beat. "So… are we gonna have to worry about full moons now?"

Dipper jumped. "No! No, this is… They have to bite you for that. This is just claw marks, no big deal."

"No, yeah, Slavic wolfmen clawing at my boyfriend's arm. No big deal." Pacifca ran a hand through her hair. "What a life to live."

"Would you change it?" he asked.

Would she? Monsters, magic, stranger things lying just beyond the bend? A grand adventure with good friends?

"You know I wouldn't. Still don't like seeing you get hurt, though."

"Hey, me neither. To both the getting hurt thing, and the changing lives thing. I, I wouldn't give up life with you for anything."

 _With me?_

Dipper turned around. There was a box in his hand. It was open, and there was a ring in it.

Pacifica looked at him, and then the box, and then him again.

"…You're supposed to kneel."

"Yea, I know. But I'm so nervous right now I think my knees might buckle if I try."

"You're so bad at this."

"Fair enough… What do you say?"

Pacifica was a drowsy mess of a girl this day. She'd thought of this moment in so many ways. But Dipper flying back early after a scrap with Russian werewolves to propose to her while she was in such a state of disarray…

How could it be any more perfect than that?

She jumped into his arms. He held her up and amazingly his legs didn't give out. She kissed him hard than she'd ever kissed him. He carried her over to the couch, still locked in her embrace, their lips still together.

"Yes." She said, finally freeing their mouths. "Every time for ever, yes."

Dipper pressed his face into her shoulder. She could feel his tears stain her shirt. "Oh thank goodness."

"I dropped the ring." He managed to say. Pacifica got up and picked it up off the ground. She eyed the metal band curiously.

"I'm sorry if you don't like it. It doesn't have a diamond or anything, I thought it would be more special if I… made it myself. Of course, now it sounds dumb when I say it out loud now." He said.

The band was a kind of dark golden color. She slid it on her ring finger.

"It's made of silver, and a special mineral the keeps flying things from bugging you. It wasn't easy to forge because it's kind of explosive, but I made it work. I-if you don't like it I was gonna get you an actual ring, but you know, shady Russian dealers."

She held the ring up, looking at it on her finger in the light. "No. It's perfect."

She went back to sit on the couch with Dipper. "You were falling to pieces without me, weren't you?" she asked.

Dipper laughed. "Oh you have no idea. I imagine you were the same?"

"Dipper, please." She scoffed. "As if I would be so depen-"

"You always wear my clothes when your sad, Pax."

She completely forgot she was wearing his shirt. Caught, red handed, and red faced, Pacifica buried her face into the couch cushion, muffled rumblings escaping the fabric.

"You wanna repeat that without the sofa muffler?" Dipper asks.

She brought her face out enough to speak. "Of course I missed you, you big nerd. I was going insane."

Pacifica suddenly pushed Dipper down. "And now, now you're going to make up for it."

Of course only one thing could follow such a blissful reunion.


	6. You Forgot

**Hey it's been a while**

You Forgot

The small room that served to be the lab's Linguistics Department was relatively underpopulated, even for its size. Dipper stood observing a sheet of papyrus thousands of years old encased in plastic and perched precariously on an old wooden podium for he and his peers to observe and decipher. The words were incredibly faded, naturally, but he was entirely convinced he was looking at Sanskrit, based on the arrangement of the symbols. If he could examine the material itself rather than the words, he could gain a better idea of the page's origin, but getting permission for that would require bigger miracles than he was used to working.

Quite the conundrum indeed he thought. This was the sort of thing that left his mind adrift. Pondering the sheet of ancient parchment, he was acutely unaware of conversation taking place behind him.

Donnie, one of the grad students that worked at the lab, had arrived moments ago with a curious grin on his face. He wasn't someone you'd expect to see in a laboratory, the rare brawn-to-brain sort that went from reading sports magazines to philosophy books. That said, he still carried that 'captain of the team' attitude that was more than a little annoying to Dipper and the only other linguist present, Aaron Crasto, both of whom were very much brain from the beginning.

"Crast, how's my hair?" Donnie asked.

"Uh… fine, why?" Aaron replied, clearly not eager to be in this conversation.

"I just ran into this girl asking where Linguistics was; total knockout. I told her where, and then I ran here the other way. And then, when she gets here, I'll be all "Hey again. We really gotta stop meeting like this, rumors could pop up."

Aaron, eyes half lidded, did his best to take Aaron's excitement in stride. "Full proof as your plan sounds I'm well versed in the subject to give advice."

"Yea well I can't talk to Mason about it. Old man's miles away!" Donnie called, knowing his chiding would get Dipper's attention.

"Donnie I'm like three years older than you." Dipper interjected, verbally dragged out his state of thought.

"Yea but you look about ten years older than me."

Dipper blushed and grimaced. "You realize I can fire you at any time right?"

Donnie rolled his eyes, but stopped his chiding. "You're just lucky I'm in such a good mood today, boss. Now, my future wife will be here any second so- There she is!" Donnie said, gesturing to the window. Dipper turned to look at the room's window and was more than a little surprised at what he saw.

The thin, blonde woman behind the window waved, and Donnie realized she wasn't waving at him, but at Dipper. She gestured for him to come out of the room, and he obliged, striding past a befuddled Donnie and an indifferent Aaron.

Walking out of the room and into the hall he spoke. "Pacifica what are you-" But she cut him off, as she had so many times before, by chastely kissing him on the lips. When she pulled away he was red, and silent, as she had planned.

"You forgot." She said curtly.

"Uh… I'm sorry?"

"It's okay I forgive you. Obviously."

"Well, thanks, but I mean, what did I forget?"

"You forgot to kiss me before you left this morning. You always make sure I kiss you before I leave."

"Oh well I didn't forget, it's just it was your day off and I wanted to let you sleep…"

"And just how could I sleep knowing you left without my kiss?" she asked.

He usually did work from his home study, while she left for work in the morning. But as it was her day off and he was unexpectedly called in to the lab, the situation was reversed. He supposed it wasn't a big deal to him, just habit, but it appears to have meant more to Pacifica than he thought. He wrapped his arms around his wife in a tender embrace. "I don't deserve you, Pax."

"Oh I dunno. Probably wouldn't have turned out this nice if not for you."

He didn't believe that. She was stronger than she gave herself credit for. Even if an axe wielding ghost hadn't attacked her house, she would have come around eventually.

"You know…" Dipper began "You did drive all the way here to kiss me. You could have put a little more effort into it.

Pacifica looked up at him. "Dipper you're not suggesting we make out at your workplace are you? Wouldn't that be wildly inappropriate?"

"I mean we don't have to make out per se we can just.. I don't know how to word…"

"Dipper, that's because now is the time for doing, not saying" Pacifica huffed.

Dipper didn't need to hear any more. He lifted his wife into his arms and kissed her, this time more intimately and for much longer. When they pulled away, Pacifica was surprised, but not displeased with Dipper's initiative.

"So, uh, what are you working on in there anyway?" Pacifica said breaking the silence.

"Papyrus scroll, really old, no clue what's written on it. I don't think it's Sanskrit, it's gotta be an older dialect."

"Hmmm, sounds important. You should probably get back in there because I think your friends are a little lost."

Dipper had all but forgot about his peers in the room. Looking into the window, he was more than a little amused to see Donnie sitting, shoulders slouched, wondering exactly how the current situation was possible, while Aaron was no doubt chiding Donnie about his 'future wife'.

"These are the scholarly men of science you work with then?" Pacifica asked.

"We're an eccentric bunch."

"I see. Well, I think I'll go out and get something to cook tonight. See ya."

Pacifica kissed Dipper's cheek and left him standing in the hall. When he returned back to the lab, judging by the looks of his fellow scientists, he had some questions to answer.

"So, like, can you explain to me when I walked into the Twilight Zone?" Donnie asked immediately.

Involuntarily Dipper said "Oh you can't get there anymore, I closed-" He stopped himself before divulging too much. "I assume that was the 'total knockout' you saw?"

"Yea and she was all over you like a fat kid on a cupcake! Can you explain that for me?"

"Well I assume she must like me a little bit. I mean she did marry me."

While Donnie was picking his jaw up off the floor, Aaron finally chimed in. "In fairness to Donnie, no one knew you were married. You never wear your ring."

On que, Dipper fished the ring, threaded on a leather string around his neck, from beneath his shirt. "I don't keep it on my finger because it hurts to type."

Turning back to Donnie, sitting like he'd just been taken for a mile long run, Dipper smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry Don. I'm sure there's a beautiful, blonde, nice girl who'll visit you at work and make out with you in front of us."

"Thanks old man, really." Donnie said, exasperated.


	7. Glimpse

Glimpse

"You don't take the bus?"

"No, my mother wouldn't allow that. My house isn't that far anyway. Sure you still wanna come?"

"Yea."

Three boys set off from school. Their names were John Griggs III, Manny Carlson, and Sidney Pines, the latter of them walking his bike to keep up with his friends.

Sidney Pines felt a little nervous, if he was being honest. It was hard enough being "that kid with the weird eyes" at school, he wasn't sure how people would react if they found out what his life at home was like.

He trusted John and Manny though. Like him, they weren't exactly the most popular kids in school. John was the kinda kid who reminded the teacher when she forgot to collect homework, so not exactly well liked. Manny, for some reason didn't really like anyone, except John and Sid. Why? Sid sure didn't know, but it was nice having friends, strange as they may be. Rather apt in fact, he had to admit.

It was on a whim John had asked if they could hang out at Sid's house after school, and Sid said yes without paying attention, which brings them to now.

He wasn't so much worried about what they'll think of him, but weird things tended to happen at Casa de Pines, and he wouldn't know how to explain them coming home with extra arms or ghosts possessing them.

"This is your house?" Asked John.

"Air quotes on house" added Manny.

Less of a house, more of a building, really. Tall, made of red bricks, it used to be a store of some kind before Sid's parents bought it. They weren't even inside and Sid's strangeness was already coming to light.

Walking in to the his home, Sid began the rounds, as it were. "So this is kind of like the living room, and the kitchen is over through that door. All our bedrooms are upstairs, the top floor is just storage and a guest room." He went on.

"What about that room?" Manny asked, and Sid already new what room he was talking about. He pointed to a brown wooden door that was closed.

"That's my dad's study. I'm not usually allowed in there while he's working."

"Is he in there now?" asked John.

"He should be." Said Sid.

Sidney led the boys into the small kitchen to get them some sodas.

"Pit cola?" asked John.

"My parent's order it in bulk from Oregon." Sid explained, careful not to say where in Oregon.

Leaving the kitchen intending to go upstairs, the boys bore witness to a curious sight. Sid's father, panicked, leaning against the door to his study. Dipper looked at his son in surprise "Hey you brought friends. That's, uh, great!" he said nervously. Dipper approached them "Hey I'm…" but his introduction was cut short by a pounding on his study door.

"Hang on kids." He said, hurriedly walking back into the living room. Dipper retrieved a small satchel from a table cabinet, and took a crossbow that was mounted on the wall, which Sid was astonished his friends hadn't commented on earlier. He took a vial from the bag and emptied the contents over several crossbow bolts. Finally, he picked from several pendents on the wall having symbols of various religions. He took what Sid recognized as a Celtic Knot, and made his way back toward the study.

He turned and said "Sid, if I don't come out of this room in 15 minutes, call your mom, and tell her we have a code 23." Before quickly reentering the room.

Sid's friends were silent for a moment, and really he was getting tense waiting for their questions.

"…What did you say your dad's job was again?" asked John.

"He's a scientist"

"And a scientist needs a crossbow because why?"

"Vampire hunting, duh." Of course Sid knew it probably wasn't a vampire this time.

Sid turned to his friends. "Look, my dad's work is kinda weird, and sometimes strange things happen; you get used to it. I don't like talking about it at school, but you guys are my friends, and I trust you. That said, can you guys not say anything to your parents? They might think my house is dangerous or something."

John and Manny looked at each other, before looking back to Sid, and signing out that their lips were sealed.

Sid smiled. "You wanna go to my room and play some video games?"

"Yea!"

Moving in to his room, Sidney was relieved at how his friends felt, but really should have expected the questions they were sure to have.

"Where did your dad get the scars on his arm?"

"Russia."

"Where's that painting in your kitchen from?"

"France. Mom bought it."

"Why does your dad have all those necklaces?"

"He found them on digs in a bunch of different countries. He's kinda like Indiana Jones."

"That's so cool."

Sid smiled. "Yea, it is."

The door to Sid's room opened, prompting the boys to pause their game.

"Hey kids, up to no good?" A blonde woman entered the room with cans of soda for the boys.

"Hey mom. How's dad?"

"Oh he's fine, he'll just be cleaning up his study for the next few days. I'm home early today which is good because I can meet your friends."

Sid smiled. And then he realized that his mom was about to meet his friends.

 _Pleasedon'tsayanythingembarrassingpleasedon'tsayanythingembarrassing_

"So, you must be John…"

"Yes ma'am"

"And you, must be Manny"

Manny blushed. "Y-yea"

"Sidney talks about you often. Hope my husband's shenanigans didn't scare you guys."

"Oh no ma'am" said John. "I think it's really neat."

"Well that's good to hear. Y'know, Sid used to be terrified of his dad. He would check for him under the bed every night!"

"Mom!" Sidney interjected. "I was three, and dad was keeping an actual mummy in the house!"

"Why did your dad have a mummy in the house?" asked Manny.

"He was asking it questions." Said Sidney.

"He was just studying the sarcophagus." Pacifica corrected.

Pacifica ruffled Sidney's hair. "Anyway, just came up to let you know your dad's fine and to bring you kids some soda."

With that, Sidney's mother left the room.

The afternoon went by quickly after that. The boys played games, ate snacks, and had a grand time. Soon enough, however, it came time for goodbyes.

"Thanks for coming guys, this was great." Said Sidney.

"Oh yea we'll have to come by again. I wanna see more of your dad's stuff." Said John.

Sidney rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah. Thanks for not freaking out about my dad and stuff too."

"Okay, dude, you gotta stop acting like that. You've got tapestries and ancient talismans and crossbows hanging on your walls. My dad's an accountant, the coolest thing you'll find hanging on my walls are his old Star Wars posters. Walking in to your house is like walking into a game of Clue or something; it's awesome!" John said.

Sidney smiled. "Thanks."

"Yeah and your mom's really hot." Added Manny.

Sid did a double take before speaking. "Dude!"

"I mean he's not wrong." John agreed, blushing. "Didn't you say she's like a model or something?"

"She works at a design studio!"

"Did your dad use witchcraft to keep her young or something?"

"No! Well- no. Probably not."

The other two boys laughed. They all shared their last goodbyes when Manny and John's parents came to pick them up.

Sidney was overcome with relief, knowing how his friends felt. That said, he had a whole knew concern.

"Hey dad! You're not used weird magic to keep mom young, are you?"


End file.
